This Week in Hank

Globex became sentient.

Hank pissed off LJ, again.

Hank discovered the wonderment of Hot Chicks with Douchbags.

Hank got dumped by his FIG. It happens.  Reversed on appeal.

In real life Hank experienced his own version of the Watergate break-in, and got permission to go all Vic Mackey. F-ing eh!

So it goes.

Globex Live Blogs the Soldier of Fortune Draft

The NFL draft isn’t the only one going on today, Soldier of Fortune also holding its draft today.  And only Globex is there to cover the exciting action.

Las Vegas- Adam “Pacman” Jones- Free Agent

No surprise Vegas went with the newly available Jones; he’s a three tool guy, assault, public intoxication, and of course his prolific ability to make it rain.

South Beach- The “Miami 8″- The U

You know them, you love them, and other then Ned, you fear them.  The Miami 8 were all suspended for their involvement in the FIU brawl, proving they both have the determination to mix it up, and the lack of good judgment required to start a brawl with inferior  combatants.

Next up on the clock Cincinnati.

More updates as they happen.

Music I’ve Only Just Heard Of

The Changes.  They’re from Chicago and are on their way to being the Next Big Thing.  The only unsigned act at Lollapalooza 2005, they’re starting to get air play, I found out about them when I heard Her, You, and I on Sirius’ Left of Center.   Check out their songs here, and their Myspace page.

Note: Why the LJ tag?  Because any post about music remind me that her music blog is pure genius.

Ryan Adams: Sincere or the Sincerest?

So a certain red headed somebody (I’ll allow her to suffer her shame in anonymity) and I have been going around and around about Ryan Adams. While we both agree that Heartbreaker was genius, I feel like his work has been uneven but at times inspired. She of the auburn tresses, feels that (because of a stupid Pitchfork article) that his work has been insincere.

First I’m not sure what that really has to do with anything. Does anybody really think Van Halen was Hot for Teacher? Second, much of the work that has been slandered as insincere was written at the same time as Heartbreaker, so what, did he only put the sincere stuff on Heartbreaker?

But I think the best piece of evidence against this idea is Demolition, his third solo release. A compilation of demos and songs that didn’t make his first two releases its been panned as inconsistent (what album isn’t), and too diverse; its often overlooked. But why is it inconsistent and too diverse?

Because Demolition is a collection of Carrie Hamilton’s favorite songs. Carrie was Carol Burnett’s daughter, and Adams’ girlfriend when she died from cancer in 2002. Nothing says insincere like taking your third album, coming off of the constant airplay of New York, New York after 9/11, and devoting it to songs you dead girlfriend liked.

Thus endeth my rant.

Who is Hank Scorpio?

A question I’ve gotten daily it would seem. Sure I’m a well known man about town, ladies man, and man’s man; but what makes Hank tick? Who is the real Hank? Well you’re not going to find any of that here, this is a blog not a Barbra Walter’s special. So on with the bio:

Real Name: Hank Scorpio
Occupation: President & CEO of the Globex Corporation
Other Aliases: None
Group affiliation: Globex
Base of operations: The East Coast (formerly Cypress Creek)
Arch-Nemesis: James Bont
Little known Facts: I was the first wealthy man to wear jeans with a sports coat.

Favorite Saying: No Mr. Bont I expect you to die, and be a very cheap funeral.

Least Favorite Word: I dislike anything that elevated me above other people. Sure, I go to work later in the day, get paid a lot more, and take longer vacations, but I don’t like the word “boss”.

Theme Song:
Scorpio!
He’ll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees’ health.
He’ll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!

More About Globex

The Globex Corporation is known for its casual, laid-back work environment and its achievements in the field of world domination.  The Globex corporate campus is located in Cypress Creek, an idyllic planned community designed for the workers of the Globex Corporation. 

“Cypress Creek — Where Dreams Come True.”
(Your dreams may vary from those of Globex Corporation, its subsidiaries and shareholders.) 

Located at the Cypress Creek facility are Globex Corp’s nuclear energy, weather control, and germ warfare divisions. The engineers in these departments work together synergistically on a variety of projects such as the development of doomsday devices.  Thanks to the successful completion of Project Arcturus, Globex Corp’s most ambitious business venture to date, the Eastern Seaboard of the United States is now under the absolute control of Globex CEO Hank Scorpio.

One of the Globex Corporation’s newest acquisitions is the C-Spanker. Formerly the U.S.S. Sea Spanker, this decommissioned aircraft carrier was once used by the U.S. Navy to destroy the offices of Mad Magazine.  The largest ship in the Globex fleet, the C-Spanker is now used to transport high-tech equipment, vehicles, and personnel to Globex facilities all over the world.

The Globex Corporation:
We Dominate Because We Care.

Cougars, and I don’t mean Top Gun call signs

So last night on DUAN the topic of Cougars came up, and considerable time was spent trying to define what a cougar is.  I think we got the age ranges about right, under 30= yummy mummy, over 30 MILF.  So what makes a cougar different?

Intent.

You may get a MILF, but you have to do all the heavy lifting (as it were) but with a cougar, she trying to bed you.   Which is why guys like them so much, an older woman who’s trying to bed you?  That’s a little something we like to call awesome.

Note: No, I don’t intend to talk about cougars or MILFs on this blog as a rule, but I think there’s a good chance I will pick a topic from each night’s DUAN to expound upon.  Last night’s cougar discussion was the last one I was involved in so its the one that stuck with me.

Welcome to Cyprus Creek

Ok, I’m going to try and not go Simpson’s geek overboard here. But just indulge me a bit won’t you?